Day 001

Welcome to my blog!

     Hello there, gorgeous. If you don't know me already, my name is Amy. But here, just call me The Little Fit Freak. I am 20 years young, married to my soul mate, and have two perfect babies. The whole reason why I am on here is to share my journey with you. Hopefully relate to you on a lot of topics, share recipes and workouts, and just be able to vent about the struggle of fat and weight loss. Because it is NOT easy. I know this first hand. Let me share a little bit of my story...
     WARNING: HEAVY INFORMATION AHEAD. READ WITH CAUTION.
          It all started around the time I was about the age of six. A very young, happy, and playful little girl who was by no means overweight. I would look at myself in the mirror and not like what I saw. Why? I'm not sure. My mom and dad always told me that I was beautiful, and no one around me was negative about their looks at that time. So why did I get this thought in my head that I was fat? I would literally stare at myself in the mirror, sucking in my stomach and thinking about how much "better" that looked. I would play with my friends and we would be in swimsuits and I would feel huge. I would think about food and my body image literally all day long. This sadly, has never gone away. I always put on a confident face with a smile, and that pushed me through. That is, until I met a boy. This boy I thought was the greatest thing on Earth. Ha.. He was funny and smart, made me laugh and could draw really well. So I thought he was great from the get-go. We became friends, developed crushes, started dating.. Had the whole "girl next door" situation going on (literally). I was about 14 when he thought he would joke around with me. Which was a daily thing. But only this time, he decided to call me fat. "I am NOT!" I would say to him. And he would drop it. Or so I thought. It would turn into him "joking" about how fat I was once a month, then once a week, then multiple times a week. And eventually, it turned into every time I went to put food in my mouth. "You're eating AGAIN?! Fat ass". Even though I had only eaten lunch that day..
             Once you start to hear something over and over again from multiple people, even if it's meant to be a joke, you start to believe what they say. It's hard not to! So I started taking every word he said into consideration. I would wake up at 4:00 in the morning on school days and work out for an hour, get ready, go to school, come home, go outside and play football with those jerks I called friends, come home and eat dinner, then work out for another hour, and finally go to bed. I was seriously so skinny, that looking back I cant believe my pants even stayed on. I hated to be called fat so I did everything in my power to stop him from using those hurtful words. But it never stopped. We broke up for other reasons that are too personal to post right now. After the breakup, I was sad (naturally, we dated for 3 years). I put on some weight and I seriously had never felt sexier. I was confident, happy, and felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. That is actually during the time that I met my now-husband, Matthew. He is such a wonderful support and the love of my life.. Heck, he's who helped motivate me to write a blog. (A rambling one, nonetheless). We fell in love, had two babies within two years of each other, and now... I'm the biggest I've ever been. I'm considered "overweight" according to my BMI (body mass index) and I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I want to be confident again. Not only for myself or my husband, but my children. They deserve to have a happy mommy and one who is confident. A mom who can teach them they healthy side of life and that it IS possible to overcome obstacles. But most importantly, a mom who will be around a long time.
          So this is me. This is who I am and where I came from. Every day (or as often as I can) I will write about what's going on in the head of someone who is not only overweight, but has body dysmorphic disorder (click here if you're not sure what that is). So stay tuned, ask me questions. Feel free to send me your favorite healthy recipes and work outs! Lets take this journey together, Help me stay motivated! Thank you for reading and until next time,
                                                                                           TLFF